I just turned up at my favourite café, only to find out it has gone “tech-free”. This is a problem, since I’m carrying my phone, laptop, and a 50-inch Smart TV.
I’ve been going there three times a week, to work and, primarily, to get away from the family. I love having a place where I can drink refillable coffee for three hours while making loud calls to clients. I wonder if I could at least slip my phone in unnoticed, but then I see this sign:
THIS IS A SCREEN-FREE ZONE. RESPECT | REFLECT | DISCONNECT.
Anyone seen using technology will be asked politely to put it away. The first time. Anyone disregarding this request will have hot water poured on their device.
They mean business. I peer in the window and see a couple talking to each other. Why would I ever want to come here with my wife? She’d want to discuss the kids, or her aging mother, or her own recent bout of depression.
But, it’s raining, and the family are still at home, so I have some time to kill. I decide to leave the electronics in the car and just sit with a quick cup of coffee.
I notice the cafe has windows, and figure it’d be smart to grab a table beside one. Just so I have something to distract me. Unfortunately, it looks out over the alley behind the barber shop, so all I see are empty Red Bull cans and used condoms.
What the hell am I going to do while I drink my coffee? People aren’t meant to just sit.
I look around the café. Some people are in pairs or groups, busy yapping to each other. But there are also a lot of people on their own like me.
A dude my age is just staring into his coffee. Like it’s the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen. Maybe he’s thinking about how he wants to leave his job. Or his wife. Or maybe he’s trying to remember his kids’ names, repeating them silently in his head over and over until he gets them right.
An old woman just caught my eye and nodded at me. I don’t know you, lady. I said that in my head, but where does she get off doing that?
Holy shit. Someone is writing stuff down on paper. By hand. They’re really going fast, too, like it’s easy for them.
I see a gal reading, but not on her phone! She’s got a book. I didn’t know they made those anymore. She looks a bit like my oldest daughter – Francine or Francis or something like that.
There’s a young guy making weird birds or something out of his napkin. Now he’s stacking those stir stick things like some kind of game. Oh no, it fell over, ha, ha, ha. Oops, I laughed out loud, and he smiled at me. I’ll have to be more careful.
Some hippy just sat down. He’s taking off his Jesus sandals. There’s no way that’s allowed here, but I just doublechecked and it’s not on the rule board. Now he’s closing his eyes. Is he sleeping? Why would you come to a coffee shop and sleep when you can do that in the back seat of your car? No wait, he’s awake, but he’s clipping his toenails! You can do that here?? My wife always yells when I clip mine at the kitchen table.
Nope, he’s being told off. Thought so. But damn that was exciting!
My coffee’s done. It’s probably safe to go home and start making my calls. The café is full now anyway and someone just asked if they could share my table.
Maybe just one more cup.